Ockham Media

OK, so it’s not cocaine, alcohol, or gambling. But people can get addicted to pretty much anything, even things that are seemingly good. ie, exercise, working, and can I put CHOCOLATE is this category? So now I confess…I am an addict to self-help. Over that last 15 years I’ve read every book, listened to every cd, enrolled in many programs. At first it really did help. These materials gave me new ideas and new ways of looking at life. Great! But here’s the thing. I am an avid reader and over the years 97% of what I read is some form of self-help and still I need more. Can you say A-D-D-I-C-T?

I only recently realized my “addiction” to these books and the problem behind it. These books/cds always promote ways to make your life BETTER. Translation: you aren’t good enough right now and you must strive to be more, because frankly, you suck right now. This was my true motive in reading this stuff. I kept reading in hopes of finding that ONE GEM that would make me awesome. And when that one didn’t work I’d find another and another, all the while believing my life and my self wasn’t “good enough”.

This is the problem behind Self-Help. This is how they suck you in. You should be earning more money, or loosing more weight, or having a better relationship. And some GURU is gonna give you the 7 step program to “fix” you. Well, I’VE HAD IT with this crap. I am here to proclaim that I am good enough right now. I now focus on living in the present, not some idealized future that will never occur. This may sound like defeat. But really, this is one of the biggest victories of my life. I am accepting what is. I am accepting with gratitude the money I have now, the state of my health and relationships right now. Wow, what an amazing few weeks it’s been since figuring this out. I am alive! I am not striving, I’m enjoying and loving. What a difference.

So, that’s it. I’m giving up self-help cold turkey. I invite you to do the same. Because the truth is if you were really meant to have more money, less weight, or better relationships right now…YOU WOULD. So, let’s stop beating ourselves up and realize that we are the bomb…right now!!

(There is the other problem of being addicted to the internet. Maybe I’ll tackle that one next year.)

Twelve months ago I could not tell you that I was an artist. I was still in denial. I was still hoping to discover I was actually a high-power business person. I even made a couple attempts at becoming that person. Each time I was miserable and left wondering why I sucked at it so badly. Meanwhile, every time I was following an artistic whisper, I was full of joy and love, and people who saw my creations responded with such beautiful words and reactions.

Only recently have I fully realized the extent to which I was hurting myself and those around me by trying so dang hard to be something I don’t really want to be. I decided to take a new path and accept was IS. I began to embrace my inner artist, to loosen my stranglehold on her as she spent the last two decades choking for life. She awoke with a roar and a novel spilled out. She proclaimed loudly that she is tired of editing family movies and is ready to express herself in a whole new way.

The truth is that, were it up to me, I would not choose to be an artist. It can be a tough and lonely road. Honestly, I’d rather love being a stock broker or a real estate investor and make big bucks easily. But when I see who I really am I must admit I hate doing those activities and always end up self-sabotaging when I’m in those situations.  If I’m not creating I feel sick inside, or full of anger, or both! So why would an artist be in denial for so long? I didn’t like the idea of admitting, “I’m an artist”, because it conjures up cultural stereotypes that are horrific! The biggest ones being the “starving artist” and the “flaky artist”.  That’s enough to scare someone into being a stock broker, isn’t it? I mean, who wants to be a starving flake?? It has taken me a long long time to break through these stereotypes and come to truly believe that if I follow my heart, I won’t end up a penniless psycho. (We’ll see!)

So in 2009 my theme was RECLAIMATION. This included reclaiming my true self which is writer, filmmaker, composer, cheoreographer, fashion designer, and who knows what else. But now at the end of 2009 I loudly proclaim that I AM AN ARTIST. No I am not penniless (close). No I am not a weirdo (usually). I will not hide behind a self-imposed veil anymore and I am done chasing after “easy” money. I have gifts to share with the world and going forward that is what I will do.