“I am a video editor.” That’s what I told the world for 10 years. Before that, “I am a stockbroker”. (yeah, that lasted only a few years, thank goodness) But going into 2009 I wanted something more. “I am an artist” is my mantra this year. I mean, that’s what I used to be when I was a kid so, I’ve decided to reclaim that. I think we are all creative when we are kids. Then some sort of culturally induced reality check occurs and we totally loose our artistry. After all, gotta get that degree and make a living to get that house and support that family, right? Oh, they didn’t mention the possibility of ending up miserable or loony.
I discovered that as soon as I changed how I defined myself, my own mind really started to open up. Suddenly a book idea popped into my head, then another. A few nights ago I heard an uncomposed song during my sleep. That hasn’t happened in years. It really is working! I clearly see where I am still blocked. I used to draw amazing portraits. Now I can barely draw a stick figure. How does that happen? I’m not sure yet, but I’m trying to figure that out. But just recently I caught myself saying outloud to my mom, “I’m reclaiming my creativity, BUT I’m still no good at drawing.” So that is how I defined myself.
My mom brought to my attention that it’s like riding a bike. If I once could draw, there is no reason why I can’t do it again. I may have to RELEARN, but that skill is still there, buried deep. It was also brougth to my attention that I may have some emotional “stuff” tied to drawing. So, I got honest with myself and I already knew that yes, that “stuff” is there and it is specifically tied to drawing. But then I felt so excited. I’m finally getting to the root of my drawing problem! And it really does start with how we define ourselves. Everything starts with a thought. Thought is energy. So once we decide to change how we define ourselves, and put out that new energy, things begin to happen, even though the things may seem tiny. How do you define yourself? How is it hindering or helping you? I dare you to start telling everyone, “I AM A——-” fill in the blank and see what happens.
There must have been something in that egg drop soup because the day after I got home I sat down and wrote, “I am a writer.”
Don’t know what all I’m going to do in life, but that’s what I AM. No two ways about it. Guess I might as well claim it.
I’m impressed with your thought and comments. I have been in a book club with your mother for 8 or 9 years, so we have discussed a little about families. She mentioned your blog last night.
I can only say you will recover your creativity all in good time It seems to me that the busy-ness of family life and children etc is the enemy of creativity. But nothing ever stays the same for very long, so I hope you enjoy the moment you are in right now, therefore keeping your regrets to minimum as you get older.
Godspeed on your journey.