Ockham Media

Have you ever had the experience of being caught up in a certain thought pattern or a certain mood that seemed so real? So permanent? Then maybe you go off and watch a movie. Then you come back to whatever it was and you feel totally different about it? Like your perspective has totally shifted? This experience has always fascinated and haunted me. I often wonder do other people do this? Do I have a personality disorder?

The last month has been incredible. I was full of confidence, universal love, and was stepping into my power. Then this week happened. A big ol’ freight train forged right through all that and delivered me a big pile of doubt, anger, and self pity. Boy, I didn’t see that coming. Then I felt really mad at myself for slipping back into old thought patterns, rehashing junk I’ve already worked through, and feeling as though I am back at square one and all my progress was for naught. Then…

For some reason I was blessed with a moment of clarity. I realized that a personality is like a big pot of soup. The ingredients are Yin and Yang. Sometimes I dominate in Yang. Other times I wallow in Yin. Both are aspects of the same personality. I realized I wasn’t “regressing” at all, but rather experiencing a different mixture of these energies, a different aspect of myself. Pretty cool. Then I imagined myself taking a giant spoon and giving that big pot a big stir, mixing up the two balancing forces of never-ending possibility once again.

It is with great pleasure to announce an official new addition to the pipeline. We are now in development for another music video! This one will be our largest production yet. Details to follow.

Book Trailer “The Ultimate Story (of a rock star)“;  Pre-Production
Music Video – Bodragaz Beautiful; Pre-Production (casting)
Educational DVD- Attachment Issues for Adoptive Families; Post Production
Live Concert DVD- Wild Angelz Album release party; Shooting
Music Video – John Common In My Neighborhood;  Post Production
Promo Video – Journey to Me;  Shooting

Well, the new look for the blog continues to be delayed by real life. Sigh… will have to continue with the half-new version for now because I have so much to say I’m about to burst.

Spring is near and it is a time for renewal. I don’t think I have ever felt this renewed…EVER. I’ve been going through a “rebirthing” process. Change is happening so quickly that sometimes I hardly recognize myself. I occasionally have to talk myself down from a place of fear because change is happening so quickly. When I think of where I was two years ago I cannot believe how the winds have changed.

The biggest thing is I am gaining a new confidence in areas that were previously filled with hesitancy. I am finally OVER hiding myself behind a rock in fear of offending someone, or getting a crusty look from someone who thinks, “Man, that chick is weird.” I simply don’t care anymore. I am ME and I am letting myself SHINE brightly! I no longer choke when saying “I am an artist.” I no longer worry about not becoming a millionaire, and I don’t ever listen to the doom and gloom in the media or anyone else who spouts off that junk. Life is meant to be LIVED with each breath. Every circumstance in front of me, every person in my life deserves unconditional love. I am finally in a place to offer that.

This didn’t happen over night. I am a merciless seeker of knowledge and experiences. I tried many things that didn’t fit me. Those things got quickly stripped off and I’d move on to the next one. Every so often I stumbled upon a true life-changer, a real keeper. The biggest ones being:

1. Taoism- through this philosophy I finally found something that agrees with me.
2. “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. The last “self help” book I will ever need because guess what… we already are perfect. The other self help guru’s will freak if the contents of this book ever get out.
3. VISION Seminars by Carol Reynolds. Can’t even start to explain what goes on at these events, but if you get a chance to attend one, please do. You will never regret it.

Never stop searching for what fits YOU. It is different for everyone. But whatever you need to do, learn to live your life OUT LOUD!!! I am here to support you because I love you!

As you can see, I’m in the process of doing a redesign on this blog. Once it’s done it will be much more ME. Please bear with it as it’s a bit funky in that in-between stage right now.

“Believe me, the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and greatest enjoyment is – to live dangerously.” – Nietzsche

I found this quote the other day and loved it. I wanted to post it on my FaceBook. But I suddenly realized, “Why would I do that? I’m not living dangerously!” PLEASE! I’m a stay-at-home mom in the heart of a small city. I wrangle my kids schedules and try to squeeze in a bit of creativity between obligations. There is nothing dangerous about my life. I’m not living in a war zone. I’m not wondering where my next meal is coming from. I’m not shooting documentaries in the African rainforest (yet). Where’s the danger? Then I felt just dumb…and boring.

Then I relaxed into that a bit and started to think about it more. Well, I did just sent my novel to two people to get their feedback. That is dangerous, right? I’ve been a closet writer my whole life, but this is really the first time I’ve put my stuff “out there” for others to see. It is scary. Even telling people about it makes me nervous, yet I am starting to tell people about it. My ego is in danger of being harmed but I proceed anyhow.

I’ve been working on this idea for a new music video (the overly ambitious one). I met with a set-designer last week and got some great (and cheap) ideas of how I can pull it off. Oh, I decided to not contact Mr. Leto. Why? Because I found a song I like ever better for this concept! I emailed that band last night and now wait to hear back. Danger? You bet! Again my creative heart is on the line and …. what if they say YES? This rather well-known band from Europe saying yes, would mean I actually have to follow through and make this film. Now that seems very dangerous because the prospect frightens me… big time.

So I’m not climbing Mt. Everest solo without supplemental oxygen. But maybe I am being just a tiny bit dangerous in my own way. How about you? What dangers are you facing? What envelops are you pushing?

Time is a strange concept. I love thinking about time because it takes my relentless mind on some rather crazy journeys. I get to the point where I can no longer fathom time as a concept and all its relative weirdness. I’ve had the theory for several years now that time is best represented by a 3-dimensional sphere. Our minds merely perceive time as passing linearly. Imagine your time on this earth as a big ball. Inside is every experience, thought, and memory you will ever have. The mind then spends its time (ironic?) sorting it out and trying to put it into logical order because…let’s face it, that’s just what minds do!

There are moments when we touch the non-linear fragments of time, but our logical mind cannot understand it. For example, I am convinced that ideas are absolutely non-linear. You may touch on an idea and decades later it comes back as if it were hovering in the back of your brain all this time. My current novel is very much this way. Most of the characters were conceived over 20 years ago. And I mean every vivid detail of them was alive way back then. But for some weird reason they resurfaced now in the form of a book. Strange.

Have you ever had the experience of loosing touch with a friend only to have her reappear in your life years later? But what is amazing about this experience is the moment you are in the company of your old friend you feel as if no time has passed at all. You pick up right where you left off with that person. On one hand it is a very bizarre phenomenon, but on the other totally natural.

We also have the experience of “deja vu”; meeting someone new who seems familiar, or being in a place you’re sure you’ve been before…but haven’t. Perhaps you are merely remembering something that hasn’t happened yet. Maybe in your spherical time ball you caught sight of an experience, but then your mind quickly filed it under “put this one at a future date”.

I mention this here because I think it’s fascinating and it’s been happening a lot to me lately. Old ideas resurfacing, past people popping back into my life, and meeting new people and experiences that I just know have some sort of significance, I just don’t know what yet. Yet time just keeps marching on like a merciless soldier, heading toward some linear end point. Very strange.

*Yep. These are the things my mind thinks about when winter starts getting too long. In case you were wondering.

A creative idea can be like a child. It whimpers when it needs attention. It follows you around the house tugging at your skirt, looking up at you with big irresistible eyes. At times it can be very demanding, especially when it’s not getting your deserved attention.

PHASE I: DENIAL
I have one of those “children” right now. This idea for a short film, this vision hit me so hard I should have know up front it wasn’t gonna leave me alone. But I tried to dismiss it because well… it’s just way too ambitious to handle right now. I have no clue how to fund it, no clue how to make the elaborate props and set design it would require, and doubt I could possibly get permission to use the song I want. (I wrote about this in a previous post….Mr. Leto? Are you listening?) Other than that it’s just a great idea. Peachy. Cool. And idea, would you PLEASE GO AWAY. I really don’t want you right now. Ummmm…no…you’re not going to go away, are you? Crap.

PHASE II: ALL RIGHT, FINE!
Ok, ok, idea. I see that you are going to keep whining. So I will need to silence the idea by proving it wrong. That should be easy enough. All I need to do is ask (Mr. Leto) for clearance to use the song and get a big fat NO in return. Also, I could talk to a friend who would totally know if my idea is even possible, I mean FUNDABLE, and get a big laugh in the face when I find out my idea will cost 2 million dollars. So, easy enough! That is what I will do in the next few weeks. So take that you big fat annoying… amazing, stunning, I’ll-cry-if-I-can’t-have-you IDEA!!!

Stay Tuned. I will be posting the results from my conquest here. Maybe THEN this dang idea will realize that I can’t possibly be the one to carry out its vision…can I?

*update, after posting this I went onto FaceBook and the only person logged on was the woman mentioned above who can give me some ideas of how I might go about doing this idea, just set up a meeting with her. Hmmmm, is the universe speaking? Won’t get my hopes up just yet…