Some of you might know that I am a recovering self-help junkie. One thing that always comes up in self-help stuff is FEAR and how to handle it. After reading way too many of these books and experimenting with my own FEAR, here is my own little self-help series on the topic.
As I drove away from the cemetery tiny tears slipped from my eyes. I felt relief. I felt a sense of awe. Someone just died and I couldn’t be happier. No, it wasn’t a loved one. But it was someone I knew very well. It was me. Rather, a part of me. I just finished shooting the biggest production of my career thus far. I was full of fear to take it on. This fear-based Torrie was trying to run the show. But as I left the cemetery, the final shooting location, I realized that deceitful part of me was finally gone…at least for that moment.
You might be thinking, “So, she shot a little music video. Big deal.” But, for me it was a BIG DEAL. Not because I had to manage a small crew, 5 different locations, 4 musicians, 2 actors, and one bird. That was the easy part. But I had to face some long standing fears, look them in the eye and find a way to push through. I am sick of playing small and it was that disgust with myself that made me get out the axe and start chopping away the limiting beliefs of my own making.
Now this is gonna get kinda personal, but I really want to point out that some of the fear-based beliefs I have around my creative abilities seem very legit. I think you will agree. Here’s a list of beliefs that conquered me in my career and with this project specifically:
1. What if I approach this band and they say, “No, that’s dumb.” Or even worse, what if they say “YES! That’s cool!” (which they did, obviously)
2. Lack of funding. (anyone in a creative field can identify with this one)
3. I cannot shoot because I have a rare condition in both eyes that makes it difficult/painful for me to even look through a camera. (yes, it’s true. Still wanna hire me? )
4. I must suck at shooting because my former employers constantly yelled at me, belittled me and planted tons of fear and stress in me around shooting video.
5. It’s never going look as cool in reality as it is in my head, so why bother. I’ll have to compromise a million things.
6. I haven’t worked with actors since film school.
7. Oh yeah, I also haven’t really directed since film school either. (ummm, that was a decade ago)
8. With 2 small children, a business, and a household to run I’ll never have the time to set up all the shoots, hire actors, find locations, get props, costumes, arrange babysitters…did I mention I have to get a freakin’ bird as well?
Ok, so this is what was spinning through my head when I started this project 8 months ago. Don’t you agree that these fears all sound pretty good? I mean especially the money one and the medical condition one. Don’t we all think most of our fears are legit? Do we not use fear to create a bunch of self-justifying drama in our lives?
This is the first post in a little series on the blog about how I dealt with these limiting beliefs. I’m not doing this to be bragging or arrogant. I’m doing it because I am a recovering self-help junkie who would now like to give back a little something. I’m going to tell you exactly how I dealt with the fears on this list. Maybe something will speak to you. Maybe not. But I’m gonna do it anyway.
What fears are currently stopping you? Write them down. Begin to challenge their legitimacy. In the next post I’ll share my first tactic for chopping through fear-based thinking.